Open Adoption and Closed Adoption- Meeting the Needs of Children First

When deciding on what type of openness between the birth family and the adoptive family, everyone involved needs to remember that this arrangement is focused on meeting the needs of children, not adults.

As in any relationship, boundaries for both the birth mother and for the adoptive family are necessary and healthy.

Not many generations ago, adoption was secret and often considered shameful for both the birth mother and the adoptive child. In loving consideration for this “shame,” adoptive parents attempted to hide the adoption from the community as well as the child.The last few generations have hopefully erased the shame and need for secrets for both adoptive children and birth mothers, moving us into the space where we have open adoptions.

For many years the prevailing theory was that open adoption confused children as to who their parents were and kept birth mothers from successfully moving on with their own lives. Research has debunked these methods. In fact, open adoption can do the following:

· Help children understand adoption

· Relieve the fears of adoptive parents

· Help birth mother resolve their grief

Open adoption is good when it eliminates secrets and shame. Open adoption is good when it allows children to have answers. Open adoption is good when it gives birth mothers a window into their children’s lives and relieves fears or an improper placement.

There are so many forms of open adoption–from yearly letters without identifying information to weekly face-to-face contact.  However, with social media, openness often takes on a whole new form. Are you going to be friends on social media sites? Will the birth family be included in group texts about the child’s activities?

When deciding on what type of openness between the birth family and the adoptive family, everyone involved needs to remember that this arrangement is about meeting the needs of children, not adults. Be considerate and thoughtful in making your plans.

Closed adoptions are sometimes necessary. In these cases, ‘Openness’ on the part of the adoptive parents is important. Even without continued contact with birth parents, children can be reminded of inherited traits or talents that may have come from their first parents and the love demonstrated with the gift of life given by their birth parents. Adoptive parents can encourage cultural knowledge and involvement in like communities, if applicable. They can display photos of birth family members and talk freely and encourage discussions. Openness strengthens the adoptees sense of identity, decreases the sense of abandonment by their birth parents, and strengthens the attachment to adoptive parents.